Written during a depressive episode:
I would personally invite physical pain 10X over mental pain.
Physical pain, in most cases, is an acute pain. It hurts upon point and moment of impact but lessens as time goes by. Physical pain diminishes, becoming a distant memory or prideful story.
Mental pain? That’s a completely different horror story. The depth that anguish plays on a shattered mind is frightening. Mental pain saturates every aspect of life. Especially when it involves death. Especially when it involves suicide. A person feels filthy. Like, “How the hell is that word even associated with my family?” They invoke blame saying, “What did I do to hex our perfect circle?” They continually question, “How did the Devil infiltrate his head making them do this?” They curse the sun saying, “Damn you for shining your bright face over my frozen existence. There is no brightness, no light. Only darkness; only black. A person yearns for what was. They lose belief in joy, or happiness, or peace. All they know is cold; bitter, unrelenting cold. Mercy is a joke. Smiling is a farce. And tomorrow is hated. There is no light, no tunnel, no end.
Now, as I stated at the beginning, this was written during a depressive episode. Actually, it was written on the anniversary of mom’s death. Those days are always difficult and today is hard as well being that it’s Mother’s Day. BUT life moves on. It’s been 19 years since mom died and though the pain’s still there it gets lesser by the year, month or day, which ever one comes for you. Upon mom’s loss, life in general seemed dark and dreary. But after time, life began to show colors again. And though there are still the occasional gloomy days, most days are bright and beautiful again.
Don’t lose heart; life can and will get better if you simply hold tight to those around you. Just remember to praise God through the storm. He will bring you safely through to the other side.
SAS 